Expedited Funding (noun):

I. Pronunciation: /ɪkˈspɛdɪtəd ˈfʌndɪŋ/

II. Etymology: Angular amalgamation of expedite (meaning hasten) and funding (pertaining to monetary provision).

III. Definition:

A phrase used to denote an ostensibly swift or accelerated financial disposition or allocation, characterized by its supposed promptness and efficient bestowal. Paradoxically, expedited funding often manifests as a tortuous journey through convoluted bureaucratic mazes, labyrinthine paperwork, and interminably delayed decision-making processes. This term is commonly employed by institutions, organizations, or individuals to create the impression of expeditious resource acquisition, whilst in reality, the duration endured bears striking resemblance to an epoch. Consequently, expedited funding serves as a euphemism laced with sardonic undertones, where professed expedition collides with protracted waiting times, evoking a wry sense of irony synonymous with Kafkaesque absurdity.

IV. Usage:

Example 1 (Modern):

“Although the government declared their intent to expedite funding for public infrastructure projects, citizens soon realized their aspirations would be met with a glacial, seemingly interminable pace“

Example 3 (Rome, 1521):

“Inscribed upon the annals of history, the noble decree of the Holy See heralded the expedited funding of the enlightening scholastic pursuits. Alas, as the ink dried on parchment, the passage of years transpired, and theologians with furrowed brows beseeched the divine for resolute intervention, for the promised funds of the expedited grants tarried and lingered far beyond the bounds of reason, leaving countless minds languishing in intellectual turmoil and ineffable frustration.”

Example 2 (Clay tablets, 2217 BC):

“Lo and behold, the King of Babylon proclaimed the expedited funding of the grand temple restoration. Yet, as the celestial bodies traversed the firmament, a generation passed, and still the coins of gold and silver were not bestowed upon the diligent artisans. Thus, the temple remained ensnared in a timeless limbo, defying the very essence of expedition.”